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Hellooo. I shall now interview Shaana.

PRESS: What is your full name?

SHAANA: Shaana Kimoko.

PRESS: How old are you?

SHAANA: Seventeen.

PRESS: I see. Where do you work? Assuming you do.

SHAANA: Uh. . . Yeah. I'm kinda the crew for Kei's singing. I fiddle with lights and sound and train other idiots to do it, too. Great fun.

PRESS: What is your family like?

SHAANA: Meh. It's not even there. My mom is a bitch, so we don't have a lot of contact. My dad's. . . well, dense. He lives elsewhere 'cause he travells a lot. My sisters are all a bunch of weirdos, so I don't really talk to them, either.

PRESS: Oh. . . That sounds rather awkward.

SHAANA: Who cares about them, anyway? They aren't important or anything. Just Kei. She's cool. We get along. . . Phhh.

PRESS: Oh.. So, what are your hobbies and interests?

SHAANA: I like sticks. They're good. Monster trucks. And I like coloring books. They're fun.

PRESS: Oh. Um. . . Those are. . . Unique.

SHAANA: Yeah. And I like electronics, though I don't get them. That's what Setsuna's for. He helps me. . . When he isn't yelling. He doesn't yell at me, though.

PRESS: (wary look) I see. Well, what sort of music and movies do you like?

SHAANA: I like horror movies, sci-fi, suspense. . . Um, I really hate chick flicks, I don't like a lot of drama, and a lot of comedies annoy me.

PRESS: Why? That seems. . . Odd.

SHAANA: I hate Eddie Murphy. I don't like a lot of comedians. They're ANNOYING.

PRESS: What about music?

SHAANA: I like a lot of grunge, like Nirvana. But I like the weird goth bands, too. I like Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, Marilyn Manson. . . I like Garbage and No Doubt. They're cool.

PRESS: I see. So, where were you born and raised?

SHAANA: Both Kei and I were born in a plane over the Atlantic Ocean, 'cause my mom's a retard. We moved all over Europe, a bit of Asia, the U.S., Canada. . . Lots of places.

PRESS: Oh, I see. So, did you ever have any pets?

SHAANA: Nah. We used to pretend we did, but that was 'cause we were bored.

PRESS: Okay. Now on to more. . . physical questions. How tall are you?

SHAANA: I'm about 5'6.

PRESS: All right. What is your favorite food?

SHAANA: Um. . . I like random things. Especially vegetable soup. Kei's is the best. If she cooks it, I will eat it. It's always perfect.

PRESS: Are you close with anyone who lives here?

SHAANA: Well, obviously, Kei and I get along pretty well. Yorhana's cool. I like Dorian and Setsuna, but I think I annoy them. Big shock.

PRESS: Okay, then. Do you crossdress as much as your brother?

SHAANA: . . . Wha?

PRESS: Well?

SHAANA: Well, yeah, I've done it. It's not a big deal. I passed, too, for your information. Kei and I are both involved in the transgender community. Because we can, dammit! [slams fist on table]

PRESS: So, what exactly do you DO in this. . . community?

SHAANA: Well, Kei kinda talks to them and helps them decide what's good for them and shit, and I get down the physical parts. Like the whole. . . Preparing yourself. Kei's really good with emotions and feelings, and I like the "how-to."

PRESS: I see. What is your opinion on marriage? What do you plan to do with your life?

SHAANA: Marriage? Phh. . . Don't need it. I don't have a whole lot of interest with the opposite sex. I like being by myself.

PRESS: In the opposite sex? What about the same sex?

SHAANA: I'm not gay, you shitwafer.

PRESS: Okay, okay!

SHAANA: Whaaaat? I'm not! Okay, I just don't have a whole lot of interest in dating ANYONE. Okay? Okay.

PRESS: Okay. So, how much do you weigh? Being 5'6 and so muscular. . .

SHAANA: About 140 or so. Something like that.

PRESS: Uh. . . oh, I see. So, what's your favorite color?

SHAANA: Colour? You must mean colour.

PRESS: Yes, color.

SHAANA: It's with a "u." C-o-l-o-u-r. I dunno. I like red a lot. Red or orange. Green is good. I don't like pink or purple much.

PRESS: Well, one last question- Are you single?

SHAANA: Whaddya think? Make a WILD GUESS, shitwafer!

PRESS: No?

SHAANA: You really ARE a shitwafer! I am single, you retard!

PRESS: Well, explain.

SHAANA: Explain? What's there to explain?

PRESS: Are you SURE you're not gay?

SHAANA: If I was a bloody lesbian, you'd all know by now.

PRESS: Well. . . Still.

SHAANA: Are you daft or just stupid?

PRESS: Neither, thank you.

SHAANA: Am I done now?

PRESS: Sure.

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